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Percentages

The tree branch of life.

 

CHANGES IN PERSONAL HABITS SINCE RECEIVING A HAIRCUT:

 

Time spent staring at self in all vaguely reflective surfaces: Decreased by 30%

Extreme dread of wind and mild disdain for cool breezes: Decreased by 95%

Duration of showers: Decreased by 16%

General circumference of shampoo dollop in palm during shower: Decreased by 42%

Use of Axe-brand hair products previously derided in social situations: Increased by 100%

Frequency of hair touching and fixing in infamous obsessive-compulsive manner: Decreased by 67%

Disbelief by bouncers at bars after viewing the D.O.B. on my driver’s license: No change

Reservations about greasy helmet hair during future motorcycle journeys across Canada: Decreased by 82%

Perceived public reaction to personal appearance when walking into a public place: Trivial fluctuations

Concern about attention given to physical appearance when walking into a public place: Decreased by 55%

Observance of wrinkles on forehead that ebb and surge like waves. Or emotions: Increased by 71%

Plague-like physical vanity/insecurity:

 

 

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